Sue Edwards

Happy Blogging about Whatever . . .

Funeral Flowers

Posted by Sue in Family

I rarely question the prices charged for things.  I’m not a bargainer or negotiater and I generally don’t “shop around” for the cheapest price.  I guess I just trust that merchants will give a fair value for the money I pay them.

However - I must say that I am appalled and incensed by the prices charged for funeral flower arrangements!  My husband’s mother recently passed away and it was several weeks before we had the Memorial Service for the dear woman.

Jim loves flowers, and wanted to send flowers to the funeral home to honor his mother.  He ordered the arrangement from a florist here in Hagerstown that we patronize on a sporadic basis, and arranged for them to be delivered to the funeral home in Baltimore on the morning of the service.

I was a bit “taken-aback” when he told me they cost $170, but figured they would be beautiful so didn’t think much more about it.

When we arrived at the funeral home I (discretely, I hope) checked all the floral arrangements to see which one was ours.  It wasn’t there!  So, after much ado with the funeral home staff, our flowers were finally located (just as the guests were being seated to start the service).  They were pretty BUT SO NOT WORTH $170!!!  There were maybe 4 or 5 pretty major flowers, plus carnations and the other filler stuff, in a white urn-type container, which I thought was ceramic so maybe that jacked up the cost.  IT WAS PLASTIC!

I used to organize parties on yachts and also worked a LOT of catered events and I know what floral arrangements cost.  The reason I am so upset about this is that I feel like the floral industry must know that people are mourning and probably won’t question the pricing of “funeral flowers” so they take advantage of these poor people by charging way more than they would for the same flowers in an arrangement for a dinner party or birthday arrangement!

So, next time I need funeral flowers, I’m going to order just a regular arrangement - I’m not going to tell them someone died, so I can be charged a fair price!!

A Hysterically Funny Letter for Women

Posted by Sue in Uncategorized

Hysterical Letter!
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently s urging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’,

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit.

And that’s a promise I will keep.
Always. . ..

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX